Mariazipan Madness

A Study in Pink: a Humorous Summary

 SUDDENLY GUNS
Viewers: fuck where did that come from -
John: nightmares oh god
John: 
John: 
John: I fucking hate my life.
Therapist: Have you been writing in your therupatic diary like I told you to?
John: MY EYES AREN'T GLISTENING WITH THE GHOST OF MY PAST
Mike: hey gurl hey
John: shitit'sthatguydon'tmakeeyecontact
Mike: HEY GURL HEY
John: Ohhh hi didn't see you there -
Mike: LOL GURL SO HOW U BIN, HOW'S LIFE?
John: I'm thirty-five, single, unemployed, skint, and I've got anxiety problems of some description and a limp.
Mike: GURL THAT'S SO RAVEN
John: what
Mike: what
John: 
Mike: let me hook you up, man
 ~MEANWHILE~
Sherlock: I love the smell of dead bodies in the morning
Molly: I love your face
Sherlock: Yes, thank you, I would like you to serve me some coffee, how thoughtful
Molly: 
Molly: ok.
 ~UPSTAIRS~
John: What are these new fang-dangly things they didn't have them in my day
Mike: that's a computer, John
Sherlock: Mike give me your phone
Mike: Do you know how at wildlife parks and stuff they don't let you feed the animals partly so that the animals don't get reliant on being fed by humans and then stop foraging for their own food?
Sherlock: 
John: use mine.
Mike: This is John Watson. havethesexwithhim.
John and Sherlock: what
Mike: what
Sherlock: -text it- Afghanistan or Iraq?
John: the fuck -
Sherlock: smoothly interrupting you to casually accept fangirl-made coffee
Sherlock: hey molly
Sherlock: thank you for offering to make me this delicious coffee
Sherlock: -sips- mnn, tangy
Sherlock: you look ugly without makeup
Molly: 
Sherlock: bye
Molly: ok.
Sherlock: We should be flatmates
John: what
Sherlock: I'll meet you at the flat ok
John: what
Sherlock: Goodbye Mr Army Doctor from afghanistan
Sherlock: say hi to your alcoholic brother for me
Sherlock: nice psychosomatic limp you got there
John: WHAT
Sherlock: Sherlock Holmes, 221b Baker St, exit stage left
Mike: ain't he so raven
 ~LATER~
Sherlock: Check out the flat ain't it pretty don't you like it John, you must like it, I can clean up, look I'm cleaning up say you'll live with me say it
Mrs Hudson: You guys are such a cute couple
John: what, no
Lestrade: There's been a murder
Sherlock: HOORAY
Sherlock: come and see dead bodies with me, John
John: I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING BUT I THINK I LIKE IT
 ~CRIME SCENE~
Sally: freak
Sherlock: lol you're blowing one of the forensic team
Anderson: fuk u shercock u dick
Sherlock: i know you are i said you are but what am i
Body: pink
Sherlock: John what's your professional doctor's opinion.
John: ... yup she's dead.
Sherlock: DEDUCTING
John: 
John: amazing brilliant fantastic
Sherlock: omg relyy
John: boy u mighty fine
Lestrade: I'm standing in the room still
Sherlock: lol you're all idiots I am the only one who sees the truth
Lestrade and John: what
Sherlock: laterz
 ~AND THEN~
Phones: ringing
security cameras: spinning
John: the fuck is this
Mycroft: hey gurl
John: the fuck are you
Mycroft: I am suggestively frightening and I'm sherlock's arch enemy, my name begins with M, can you guess who I am
John: modesty?
Mycroft: gurl I like you
Sherlock: URGENT URGENT COME HOME AT ONCE THERE IS AN URGENCY
 ~221B~
Sherlock: Pass me my phone.
John: you
John: you texted me to
Sherlock: and send a text please k thanks
John: Fuck you sideways, man
Sherlock: love you too
John: what
Sherlock: 
Sherlock: come to dinner?
 ~ANGELO'S~
Angelo: you're such a cute gay couple
John: what, no
Angelo: So very cute and gay
John: no, sherlock, say something, tell him we're not gay
Angelo: I'll get some candles to set the mood to SEXY TIMES
John: NO DON'T GET CANDLES
Angelo: YOU'RE GAY
John: Why do I have an ominous feeling that this is going to happen again? Like reverse deja vu?
Sherlock: Keep an eye out for murderers 'kay
John: So er ... got a girlfriend? Or a ... boyfriend?
Sherlock: 
Sherlock: uh ... John ... look, it's very flattering and all but I'm taken
John: no -
Sherlock: My work is a jealous lover
John: no - what? I don't even want to consider how a relationship with investigating dead bodies works - no, I wasn't - no - I'M NOT GAY!
Sherlock: right.
John: right.
Sherlock: okay then.
John: yes.
Sherlock: SUSPECT AT TWO O'CLOCK
 ~ROOFTOP CAR CHASE~
John: shit that was funny
Sherlock: I know right
Lestrade: DRUGS BUST PARTY AT 221B
Sherlock: THE FUCK IS GOING ON
John: wait drugs lol what
Sherlock: ~gaze~
John: ~gaze~
Lestrade: THERE ARE PEOPLE STANDING IN THIS ROOM
Sherlock: DEDUCTING
Mrs Hudson: TAXI
Lestrade: MOBILE
Everyone: NOISE
Sherlock: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DICKS
Cabbie: come away with me, in the night
Sherlock: ok
 ~DRIVING~
Cabbie: CLEVER SHIT
Sherlock: BORING
Cabbie: pick a pill any pill
Sherlock: CLEVERER SHIT
Cabbie: pick a pill anyway
Sherlock: sounds like fun
Cabbie: SUCKER -
John: I SAVE YOU
Cabbie: /dead
Sherlock: that's so raven
 ~LATER~
Lestrade: tell me the things
Sherlock: look at my fucking ugly blanket
Lestrade: oh jesus
Sherlock: hai john
John: hai Sherlock
Sherlock: you saved me
John: for a minute there I thought my princess was in another castle
Sherlock: what
John: what
Mycroft: hey gurl
Sherlock: fuck off bro
John: why didn't you tell me he was your brother?
Sherlock: because he smells
Mycroft: you're so mean
Sherlock: lol John let's go get Chinese
John: ok
 ~BITCHIN SLOW WALK~
 YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH

2ollux2:

kisaragishintaro:

roseonabeach:

mriloveyourhat:

bagelhogger:

methlabrador:

over 3 decades of groundbreaking advances in information technology and now here we are

SCREAMING BECAUSE AHHHHH.COM IS CAT

PLAY THE GAME PLAY THE GAME PLAY THE GAME

WAIT BUT http://www.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.com/

GUYS

http://www.ahhhh.com/

i dont know but http://www.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.com/ is pretty amusing

http://www.ahhhhhhhhhhhh.com/ is the most psychedelic thing i’ve ever seen

Spock and Kirk's relationship in a nutshell

Spock: don't do the thing

Kirk: I'M GOING TO DO THE THING

Reblog if you remember VHS tapes.

jimmytheunicorn:

shadowsbestforgotten:

sunshine-raining:

aqueousescapist:

cloudydrake:

tea-phantomhive:

I can see it now. No NOTES!

The median age of tumblr isn’t THAT low. I know some people on this site who used to use floppy discs for class.

If you’re 14 or older you will most definitely remember VHS tapes. They weren’t THAT long ago.

Still got mine, bitches

Still have Terminator 2 in it. Need to finish watching it one of these nights.

I used to fucking hate rewinding them

arthurdentistry:

boredsociopath:

Mycroft why would you release a psychopath after he scratched your brother’s name all over his prison cell walls

Like

Did you think it was a different Sherlock

‘Oh I thought he was obsessing over Sherlock Wederhousen. He’s rather popular with the ladies.’

Mycroft what even

After learning my flight was detained 4 hours,
I heard the announcement:
If anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic,
Please come to the gate immediately.

Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there.
An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress,
Just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly.
Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her
Problem? we told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she
Did this.

I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly.
Shu dow-a, shu- biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick,
Sho bit se-wee?

The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used—
She stopped crying.

She thought our flight had been canceled entirely.
She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the
Following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late,

Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him.
We called her son and I spoke with him in English.
I told him I would stay with his mother till we got on the plane and
Would ride next to her—Southwest.

She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it.

Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and
Found out of course they had ten shared friends.

Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian
Poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours.

She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering
Questions.

She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered
Sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—
And was offering them to all the women at the gate.

To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a
Sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California,
The lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same
Powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies.

And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—
Non-alcoholic—and the two little girls for our flight, one African
American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice
And lemonade and they were covered with powdered sugar too.

And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands—
Had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing,

With green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always
Carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere.

And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought,
This is the world I want to live in. The shared world.

Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped
—has seemed apprehensive about any other person.

They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women too.
This can still happen anywhere.

Not everything is lost.

“

—	Naomi Shihab Nye (b. 1952), “Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal.” I think this poem may be making the rounds, this week, but that’s as it should be. (via awelltraveledwoman)

kauvera:

supernatural-aka-tearsandgay:

wiener-cest:

demeaniac:

STOP SCROLLING

straighten your back, mate

NOW GO ON

woah thanks i really needed that today

tumblr user demeaniac doing little favors for tumblr one post at a time

FUCK THIS POST HAS SHOWED UP LIKE 10 TIMES TODAY AND I HAVE BEEN HUNCHED OVER EVERY FUCKING TIME

PLEASE KEEP THIS GOING it is the best reminder for me ever and I always need it omg

astudyintimelords:

shinysherlock:

pickled-johnlock:

what do you say when someone asks what you’re doing and you’re reading homosexual fanfiction based off of a book written 150 years ago

Tell them you’re reading a transformative work based on late Victorian literature that questions traditional views of gender and sexuality.

clumsyoctopus:

flower language has always been an intense source of disappointment for me

like, they all mean really generic things like “love” or “forever” or “i’m sorry”

i thought you could combine flowers

like you could just send someone a bouquet and from the combination of hibiscus and posies and tulips they’d understand “the rebel leader is dead, rendezvous at the docks at 8, bring the dog, you will need lighter fluid and a large tomato”

You can’t NOT reblog this. It’s like the Tumblr After Dark/Night Blogger Logo. It’s like our fucking Bat signal.

enerjax:

“I’d like to be a lightsaber”

The Cumber Collective